Decisions, Decisions
by Noraque
Summary: The Mass Effect universe has many decisions to be made. But how many of them are important? Some random fun being poked at the inconsistencies of ME. No chronology. Please read/review!


**Decisions, Decisions**

"Shepard, listen to me! We _have_ to get off the Citadel! We have to go after Saren!"

Commander Shepard, hero of the Blitz, recently- made first human Spectre, Saviour of Eden Prime, and so on and so on (Jesus Christ, why did he always feel the need to lift off his own accomplishments every time a new mission came up? You'd think by now people would know them by now!) had recently just been informed of a series of planets that required him to investigate in an effort to stop rogue Spectre agent Saren Arterius. One of his own species' colonies had dropped out of contact, a corrupt planet full of corrupt corporations was experiencing increased Geth activity, and the daughter of one Saren's top lieutenants, one Dr. Liara T'Soni, was missing in the Artimus Tau cluster. By all accounts, he should be racing aboard the _Normandy_, ordering Joker to haul ass as fast as he could towards anyone of the three destinations (although he got the strangest feeling that it really wouldn't matter which one he hit first).

And yet for the strangest reason, he found himself mysteriously wandering around the Citadel looking for random people to help out.

- Hey Shepard, can I have your autograph?

- Hey Shepard, we need your help deciding the fate of my baby!

- Hey Shepard, I want you to retrieve my wife's body!

-Hey Shepard, I need you to help me find a story even though I'm a veteran reporter!

- Hey Shepard, I need your help to speak with a friend of mine. Who in turn wants you to speak to _another_ person! And after that, come back so I can give you a worthless trinket that won't go anywhere no matter _how_ hard you look!

It was enough to retaining his sanity on a normal basis, but when he was surrounded by this many needy people who were constantly pleading for his help, it nearly drove him to start thinking maybe Saren's methods of kill everything in sight wasn't so bad. But no, for some very odd reason, had the feeling he had to be nice to everyone. Even if they were pointing a gun at his face, he somehow managed to find a bunch of nice-sounding words that somehow managed to get them to lower their weapons and walk off. Sometimes he felt like he just wanted to put a bullet in their heads, but he could never force himself to do it. It was the damndest thing, but sometimes he felt like he couldn't control his own mouth and his own feet. Who the hell could possibly be responsible? Some evil marketing director?

"Commander!" Williams and Alenko joined him in the elevator. "Commander, why are we going back down? We have to get a move on! Saren, could be searching for… whatever he's searching for at this very moment! We have to get a move on!"

"Gee Williams," Shepard turned to her. "What a phenomenal idea! There is nothing in the galaxy I would like more than to take off right now and kick that turian's ass from here to dark space- there's nothing there to keep him company and nothing there that can survive, so there's no danger with that. Unfortunately, for some very odd reason, I find myself wandering around the Citadel looking for people who just stand around and do nothing until I come along!"

"Uh, Commander…"

"And that brings me to another point!' Shepard wheeled to face Alenko. "Even if we were to leave this very second, there'd be no point in hurrying; all of our enemies would still be in the exact same place at the exact same time. There'd be no guesses as to whether they finally smartened up and changed their tactical positions. Hell, the weather and the time of day would never even change! How the hell are we supposed to believe our enemies' locations would be any different!"

"Shepard, how do you possibly know that?"

"How should I know? It's like a feeling I have that I've done this before- except I got tired of what my history and class was and wanted to fix it before going on!"

"Commander…"

"Why do I still have you with me anyway? I thought I'd ordered you to go back to the ship instantly and have Wrex and Tali join me until we took off. Why didn't you guys do your thing?"

"Thing, sir?"

"You know, when I select which teammates I want with me, the ones I have automatically vanish and go back to the ship, and the others appear alongside me fully suited up, no matter how far from the ship I may be? Seriously, what's up with that? You'd think we were in a video game or something!"

"Commander, you're not speaking sense!"

"Really, Alenko? Then you're going to love what I have to say next! How about we leave that mission for Dr. T'Soni until the very end. You know, just see if we can drive her crazy and think we're a hallucination when we finally get there. It'll sure as hell beat any naïve calls for help she makes when there are Geth and a krogan nearby?"

"Krogan? Shepard, where are you getting this stuff? We haven't even set foot off the Citadel yet!"

"What does it matter Williams? All you're going to do when you get aboard the _Normandy_ is stay in the cargo bay, cleaning rifles thousands of times over and keep an eye on Garrus, Wrex and Tali until I charm you into adopting a more paragon view of them!"

"Paragon? Shepard, what the hell are you…"

"Well, you won't be alone; all of them will be doing the same damn thing no matter when I come down to the hold. Garrus at least has a reason with the Mako; the piece of trash is supposed to blow away Geth tanks! Instead it sends off a shot somewhere in the vicinity of the enemy and calls it a hit! And don't even get me started on hills!"

"Commander…"

"And then there's Wrex; he's just going to stand there straight ahead, watching the guy-that-sells-me-my-weapons- can't remember what his name is. Sometimes I'm going to consider _letting_ Wrex eat him; then I wouldn't have to pay a small fortune for weapons I could easily find scattered on remote planets for free! And Tali; she's just going to stand near the drive core, looking at it as though it were her guardian angel. I mean honest to God, if she's such a brilliant engineer why doesn't she actually get in there and help to make sure it's running smoothly? Course, she's also going to relate some really long and boring history about her culture and the Geth that I'm just going to skip through anyway!"

"Shepard, are you unwell? Perhaps we should take you to the Med Ward."

"I'd be more concerned with you going to the Med Bay, Lieutenant! You're just going to stare at that little yellow screen near the sleeper pods for hours on end. With the amount of time you devote to that, I'm surprised you haven't gone blind! Plus, it probably would make you have fewer migraines if you didn't stare at it all the time!"

"Shepard…"

"But you know what the most frustrating thing is?" Shepard threw his head up towards the ceiling. "It's constantly having to wait for ages on end for these elevators to get us where we need to go! I mean, in this day and age, you'd think we'd have faster ways of getting around. When did people think this idea up- 2007? Have we gotten back down to C-Sec yet?"

"Uh, skipper," Ashley cut in. "We've only just started now. You were so busy ranting and raving that you forgot to push the little green button. You know, the one next to all doors and elevators that won't open unless you take the time to press it? You tried it just fifteen minutes ago, except you accidentally initiated a conversation with a random person instead. Don't know how you managed that, but…"

"Oh, great. By the time we get down to C-Sec, Saren may have found whatever he's looking for! Well, it won't matter anyway. When we actually do get off this damn Citadel, I'm going to be contacted by Admiral Hackett every time I go to a new system, and have an urge to track down gas pockets and metal samples. It'll be long and boring, but necessary to fill my experience."

Ashley and Kaidan exchanged glances and then stared at the commander.

"Oh, and by the way," Shepard said, "if I were you two, I'd take in as much of the Citadel as possible. I can't say why, but I've got the strangest feeling one of you may not be able to see it too many more times." Letting out a long sigh, he said, "Right now, I've got a mysterious desire to see a lying volus about a salarian who doesn't bring enough back-up and a bunch of dull creatures- what are they called again? Oh yeah, the keepers. Doesn't matter. I'm sure they have no meaning whatsoever. I mean, what could the keepers do to _possibly_ upset the stability in the universe…?"


End file.
